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Developing Capacity in your Business Family

Capacity vs. Capability

Sometimes when two words start with the same few letters, people get them mixed up, not noticing the nuances in their meanings.

A couple of words that certainly fall into that category are “capability” and “capacity”.

This week I want to explore them a bit, from a business family perspective.

 

From Ability to Capability

Before we even get to “capability”, we should probably back up a bit and start with “ability”, to make sure we grasp that simpler concept first.

Ability is about what you can do, which you know that you can do because you’ve already done it, at least once. 

Capability is more about potential to do something, and as we all know, even though you once were able to do something, that doesn’t mean that you’re still capable of doing it again now.

 

Ready, Willing, and Able

In some ways, capability can be summed up by the expression, “ready, willing, and able”. If I’m ready and willing to do something, plus I feel like I can muster the ability, then I at least believe that I have the capability to do that something now.

So if you know how to do something and you add some effort to that ability you’re now essentially ready to test out your capability, and can hopefully demonstrate that you can accomplish a task with a certain regularity.

With practice, you can hopefully get pretty good at it, to the point where others recognize that capability in you.  You’re off to the races, right?

 

What About Capacity?

I think that there’s another level that you’ll want to get to that’s higher than simply developing capability, and that’s to increase your capacity to do important things.

The part of the definition of the word “capacity” that I think we should concentrate on when thinking about this is the “volume” aspect.

When talking about a container, whether it’s an aquarium, an airplane, or a football stadium, we can ask about what its capacity is, when we want to know how much it can hold when full.

 

From Capability to Capacity

So if we go back to the capability discussion, we were getting good at doing something over and over, and now we want to see how much of it we can do.

But we don’t want to do this for everything, we really need to pick our spots and develop our capacity for doing things that are truly important.

And when we’re talking about business families, what’s more important than everyone knowing how to get along and work together?

Families who have succeeded in growing their businesses and wealth AND in transitioning them to the next generation have almost always developed that capacity to work together somewhere along the line, whether they realized that that was what they were doing or not.

 

Contagious Capability Grows to Family Capacity

The great thing about a family is that every member has different skills and abilities. 

It might not always be obvious how some family members can contribute to the business family, but if there are family members who are ready and willing, there should always be some effort made into finding a place for their abilities to contribute.

When you take the individual abilities, work on them so they become true capabilities, and then bring the people together with the right attitude to collaborate, you can develop the capacity for long term success.

The overall capacity of a family comes from the combination of all of its members’ capabilities, and that capacity can be way more than the sum of its parts.

 

Practice, Resilience, Guidance

Families who have succeeded at this almost never just stumble into that success.  Working together with family members can be wonderful, and it can be frustrating too.

It takes effort, and plenty of practice to get it all right.

There will be plenty of trial and error along the way, so the family will need to develop its resilience.

And, importantly, few families get this right all by themselves; they will almost always have someone from outside the family to guide them, especially at key stages.

Whether it’s a family business consultant, a facilitator or coach, it really doesn’t matter, and ideally it’s someone who combines these skills.

Successful multigenerational families have all developed their capacity to work together over time.

Can you?

Who’s Ready to Get Started? A Key FamBiz Question

Who’s Ready to Get Started? A Key FamBiz Question

Let’s get started, shall we?

I often begin these posts with a preamble, and later on segue into “getting started” with the real meat of the blog.

This week, I thought I’d tee it up differently, because the subject is actually “getting started”.

Although it has likely always been so, it seems that lately the ability to overcome inertia and to get moving has become more salient lately.


Families Are Groups of Individual People

The subhead just above is clearly one of the most obvious statements I’ve ever written, and there’s a reason why I chose to state it here nonetheless.

Too often, whether we’re part of a family or have a family that is our client, we sometimes think of that family as a self-contained unit, or somehow monolithic.

In reality, when you’re trying to make progress as a family or with a family, you quickly realize that not everyone moves at the same speed.

We think and talk about getting people “on the same page” and “going in the same direction”, recognizing that these are worthwhile objectives, and they are.

But even if the people are moving in the same general direction, some want to sprint while others may be stuck in the mud and enjoy it there.

 

So, Who’s Ready to Get Started?

The most important question sometimes becomes “who’s ready”, when attempting to get any family to make important progress together as a group.

For a “family system” to change, one way to accomplish this is for one person to change, thereby “forcing” the others to change along with them to attain a new equilibrium.

This generally requires some leadership on the part of that one person who’s willing to stand up and act in a new way, but if they do make such a stand, and are able to maintain it, change will come.

 

But Didn’t You Just Say….

Let me share a little crisis of confidence I had recently, after deciding that this idea was something I’d blog about.

My social media folks control my content posting and while all the content is mine, I usually have no idea when things are set to show up on my Twitter and LinkedIn feeds.

Now, imagine my thoughts as I prepared to write about “being ready to move” and then this quote shows up on my feeds:

 

“Don’t just do something, stand there. 

If your family is struggling with where 

to go next, allow yourselves the time 

and space to gain clarity before acting”

 

My first reaction was “Ooops.”  

But upon further reflection, I realized that this would not be a case of saying “Hurry up… Take your time…”, even though it somehow felt that way.

 

Where Is Your Family Going?

If the family in question “is struggling with where to go next”, taking the time to figure it out, without rushing, and making sure there’s a clear path that people understand and agree on makes plenty of sense.

The thing is, many families are already pretty clear about where they’re going AND what they need to do to begin the journey, BUT they don’t necessarily feel ready to start.

And that’s where finding someone who IS ready can make a lot of sense.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, as they say, and a family journey often begins with one person saying “I’m ready”.

 

The Slowest Common Denominator Issue

Any family journey or family project of the type I’m speaking about here needs to be something that is “for the family”, meaning the vast majority of the people are involved, and hopefully everyone.

And, unfortunately, if you want to be nice and wait for even the slowest person to get on board, the journey is at risk of never taking place.

You don’t want to have to settle for the “slowest common denominator”.

 

Start Where You Are

I’ve long been a fan of the saying:

 

Start where you are

Use what you’ve got

Do what you can

And I think I have a useful addition to it, for times when you are working with a group of people: Start with whomever is ready.

When working with a family system, keep in mind that a change in one person will eventually effect change in the entire system.

Making improvements needs to begin somewhere, with someone.  Finding the one who’s readiest to start can often be the key.

The Art of Conversation: The Key to Family Communication

The Art of Conversation: The Key to Family Communication

When listing problems that business families face, communication is usually one of the first things people mention. 

 

Because it’s seen as a “big” problem, many people think that it requires a “big” solution

I beg to differ.


“100 One-Minute Conversations”

The initial idea for this post came from something I saw online recently, that talked about “100 one-minute conversations”, which in most cases are a better way to go than just having one, long, 100-minute discussion.

I wish I’d saved it so I could credit the source, because Googling it didn’t help me solve the mystery.

In any event, it lines up nicely with some of the other things I’ve talked about before, notably here: The Dimmer Switch vs. the On/Off

 

Clearing Up Any Illusions

My favourite quote about communication is from George Bernard Shaw, “The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place”.

Let me spell it out just in case you didn’t get it.  

The biggest problem for people communicating with each other is when the person who says something believes that the receiver heard and understood them, and they’re wrong, but they assume they’re right.

Why did I take the time to spell that out? 

Because if I continued this blog while assuming that you understood what I meant, but you didn’t, then I would have been committing the exact faux pas that I was trying to explain.

The Art of Conversation: The Key to Family Communication

Conversations as a Subset of Communication

Of course communication comprises much more than verbal discussions, which are in fact only a small fraction of the entire communication “platform” that any enterprising family uses.

These families need to share lots of information to remain united enough to properly manage the assets they own together.

But while everyone can see what’s written in a family newsletter or on their Facebook page, I contend that it’s in the smaller groups, and the quicker, more regular conversations, that the most important communication actually happens.

Yes, you need to have the big formal, structural communication platforms, but, and it’s a big but, if that’s all you have, then there’s a lot missing.

 

Heart to Heart

The simplest way to make this point is to consider the expression “Heart to heart”. 

What makes family businesses different from other businesses is the family element.  Plain old communication might be sufficient for “regular companies”, but for a family business, being owned and run by a family, there needs to be a lot more heart.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone talk about “heart to heart communication”, by I know I’ve heard people mention a “heart to heart talk”, or “heart to heart conversation”.

 

The (Lost) Art of Conversation

Speaking of expressions, we’ve all heard about the “art of conversation”, and I contend that in some ways all of the technology we’ve been using to communicate has made conversing together a bit of a lost art.

But here’s the good news, and I even just Googled it to make sure it makes sense.

You can get better at it, with practice. Yes, I just searched “do you practice art” to make sure, and I got plenty of hits.

Whether it’s playing music, or painting, or sculpting, one improves the more one practices their favourite art.

And so it is with conversations.

 

Small Groups, One-on-One

Conversations can happen all the time, mostly in small groups or even simply one-on-one situations.

They don’t necessarily have to be structured, scripted or planned in advance, and in reality, the more natural and free flowing they are, the better.

Sometimes the hardest thing about them is just making them happen, especially now that simply picking up the phone to call someone seems to rarely happen these days.

 

Conversations With Your Coach

One of my favourite ways of actually putting some structure to conversations is to have them be regularly scheduled.

I have a call over Zoom with my coach every week, and I have calls with my coaching clients typically every other week, which seems to work well.

Having things “on the calendar” might be the best way to make sure that you’re staying in touch enough.

 

Seven Years Later

Way back in 2013 I wrote Having Conversations, Not Just Communicating. And I guess it’s still just as valid today as it was back then.

Family Engagement and Family Alignment - Chicken and Egg Which Came First?

Family Engagement and Family Alignment – Chicken and Egg

Which Came First?

This week we’re looking at one of those “which came first?” situations, so as you’ve probably guessed, it’s kind of a trick question. 

The good news is there’s no wrong answer!

I’ve written quite a bit about family alignment in this space, most recently in On Family Alignment and Family Alliances last fall.

But this’ll be the first time I’m dealing with family engagement, and in some ways it’s long overdue.

 

Coming Up Again and Again

Maybe it just feels overdue because the idea of alignment and engagement being two sides of the same coin came to me a couple of months ago, and ever since, it keeps on jumping up and hitting me in the face, seemingly at every turn.

I’m working with one client who’s drafting her family’s first ever “family charter”, which will essentially be the first written version of the guidelines for their “family council”, which doesn’t really exist yet.

The “writing it down” part is all about the alignment, but the work my client has been struggling with is in getting input from other family members, because she wants to make sure she’s capturing things correctly, and that’s all about engagement.

 

Getting the Rising Generation Interested and Involved

Another client with whom I’m working has taken a family business he bought from his father and grown it significantly, and he’s now working out the details of how to get his children and nieces and nephews interested and involved.

This is the type of engagement issue that lots of family businesses face at various stages in their evolution.  

But they can quickly go from low engagement to high, and then suffer from issues around their alignment, because the people who just got interested all see things in a different way.

All of this is quite normal, and possibly a good problem to have.

A Regular Governance Problem: Balance

You may have encountered the same issue in other, non-family governance situations, whether it’s the board of a non-profit or even a committee that you’re a part of.

I’ve seen it up close in each of those situations, although I really noticed it more recently, since this idea began to crystalize in my head.

But like I said, it’s a good problem to have, and there’s no wrong answer.

You can start working on one, and it’ll help you with the other, and it works both ways.

 

Leadership and Collaboration

Before I get to a couple of examples, I want to highlight that a similar idea hit me a few years ago and has stuck with me.

I’d read a book about collaborative leadership, where the point was made that people who are collaborative are exhibiting leadership, and the people who are leaders are collaborating with their followers almost by definition. 

It’s almost circular.

It was one of those things that took a bit of time to sink it, but now that I’ve internalized it, it seems to be there for good.

And so it is now, with alignment and engagement, especially in the family business context.

 

Start Where You Are

Wherever your family is, start there.  Sounds obvious, but, like common sense that isn’t really common, it isn’t.

If a family is engaged, work on continuing to develop that, and you’ll quickly get to a point where some possible “mis-alignments” pop up.

Great, now you have something to work on that’s a bit different, solving that alignment issue.

If, however, the family seems nicely aligned, start there and “push” that further. You’ll likely hit a point where some might disengage, and then you can work on engaging them again.

In so doing, you’ll almost naturally find yourself tweaking the alignment again.

Incremental, Iterative Progress

The good news, again, is that this is all part of progress.

Families who hope to transition their business or wealth to the rising generation need to have engagement, and they need to be aligned, if they want things to work out right and to have the results be durable.

As you work on developing one, alignment or engagement, you’re also making progress on the other.

It may not feel like progress because it doesn’t move quickly. It’s incremental, one tiny step at a time.

And, as I hope I’ve shown here, it is also iterative, as the family keeps rolling along forward.

One hand washes the other, and two hands are better than one.

Goldilocks Advises a Family Business – Part II

Goldilocks Advises a Family Business (Part II)

Last week we looked at advisers who work with business families, bringing the perspective of an outsider to a family system. 

That perspective allows them to see things that the family members themselves have difficulty noticing.

With time, such advisors can learn enough about the family’s workings to also begin to benefit from the knowledge of the family insiders.

Of course, there’s a fine line to be struck here, and it’s one that experienced family business practitioners clearly recognize and constantly try to manage.

 

Getting Too Close

Much like when Goldilocks tries one of the bowls of porridge and finds it too hot, she gets burned, consultants can also be too quick to act and get too close to the situation to properly maintain their objectivity

This can happen very early on in situations, especially where there’s some conflict between family members.

Any outsider needs to be extra mindful of how they enter the family system, in order to maintain an objective stance towards everyone.

If one sister “brings me in” to a situation with her family, and there’s an issue with her sibling, it won’t take very long for me to be branded as “her guy”, and then my chances of being seen as neutral will be lost.

 

Who Hires FamBiz Consultants, Anyway?

A few years ago, in Notes from a Great Keynote, I related some statistics from Craig Aronoff, one of the founders of FBCG, about the percentage of families that actually hire an outside consultant at some point.

He stated that somewhere between 2% and 4% of family businesses actually avail themselves to what he called “private lessons” from an outside party.

That means that 96% to 98% of families never hire an outside consultant to work with them, which seems high to me.

 

Not as Easy as It Looks

Part of the reason the numbers are so low comes from the fact that this work is not easy to do

Family businesses are very common, all over the world, but that doesn’t mean that they’re simple, or that there’s some magic formula to the business model.

When I’m invited into a family’s inner circle, it’s always a privilege and an honour to be there, in a place they do not typically allow just anyone to enter.

And when you’re there as a “process person”, there are plenty of things that you need to be on the lookout for.

 

Watch Out for the Hornet’s Nest

There are potential hornet’s nests around every corner, and if you aren’t careful, you might accidentally kick one and cause more of a stir than you had planned for.  So it’s best to tread slowly and carefully.

In addition to being mindful of not being seen as one person’s “guy”, it’s also important to develop and maintain individual relationships with each of the key family members, even those who might appear to be “less important” at the outset.

In a family, every person is important, even though they may not all appear outwardly to be, and even if some members act as if they are more important.

In fact, outsiders who work at these relationships on the “lower rungs of the ladder” will eventually be rewarded.

Another Way to Go: Just Coach One of Them

Being on good terms with all family members can be a balancing act, and some consultants master it better than others.

There is another way to go that I’ve been discovering and liking more and more lately, and that’s to just work with one person from the family, as a coach.

Last week I mentioned that a family is a system, of interdependent people. 

A system typically finds an equilibrium, but if one person changes, the system will necessarily change too, eventually, assuming the one person has the strength to maintain the change themselves.

 

One Family Leader Can Make a Huge Difference

In many ways it’s a much easier starting point, because getting the agreement to work with a single person is typically quicker and the learning curve is shorter when you’re only dealing with one person.

Naturally when I coach a member of a business family, I learn about all the other members too, but I’m not the one who interacts with them.

It’s still all about process, only I’m working with the “family leader” on the best way for them to interact with the rest of their family.

And in the end, sometimes that’s “just right”.

Goldilocks Advises a Family Business (Part I)

What Could Go Wrong?

Metaphors have always been one of my favourite ways to explain things, but sometimes, admittedly, I can twist things a bit too far.

I hope this won’t be one of those occasions; apologies in advance if it is.

So be forewarned that this is not actually a story about a young blonde girl who advises a family business (or a family of bears).

 

Insiders, Outsiders, Goldilocks?

The genesis of this post is actually an introduction I heard on TV about an upcoming guest on a show I happened to be watching.

It was an American show, and the guest was an Irishman who spends half his time in the USA, and half his time in Ireland.

The host proclaimed that this gives the man, 

   “The knowledge of an insider, and the perspective of an outsider”

Bang, there it was. I actually paused the TV, rewound, and made sure I had the quote right.

 

Finding the Right Balance

I instantly thought about situations where a family business, or more specifically, a business family, calls in someone from outside the family to work with them.

Of course that’s because this is exactly the kind of work I love to do, when I’m not writing about fairy tales.

Many families are loath to bring in anyone from the outside, preferring to keep everything in-house, within the family, for fear that outsiders cannot be trusted, or believing that nobody else could ever understand “our family”.

They’re wrong on both counts, and we’ll get to the reasons why, but for now, let’s look at this “insider / outsider” dynamic.

Perspective of an Outsider

We’ll start with the perspective piece, because this is truly the biggest reason to enlist the services of an outside family business consultant.

Any person who is not a part of the family is also not part of the “family system” as those who use a systems theory lens would say.

The family system is called that because of the interdependent nature of the relationships that the different members have on one another, thanks their many common goals, and to the way that they interact on a long-term, repetitive basis.

An outsider, especially one trained in this kind of work, can instantly offer that family system the benefit of their outsider’s perspective, precisely because of what they are able to see, thanks to the fact that they are not part of the system.

When I peer into my aquarium, I see that the fish are all swimming in the tank.  I’m pretty sure that the fish don’t see things the same way.

 

Knowledge of an Insider

Naturally the person who isn’t a part of the family won’t have the knowledge of an insider who’s been a part of the family their whole life.

But that doesn’t mean that, with time, they can’t come to know the individual members of the family, and how they work together, pretty well, all the while maintaining their outsider’s perspective, which is so valuable.

In fact, a good outsider knows the limits of how far inside they want to go, knowing that if they ever lose their outsider’s perspective, they suddenly become a less valuable resource to the family.

Special Case: In-Laws!

We’ll get back to this Insider / Outsider stuff next week in Part II, but we need to acknowledge a special category of people who happen to exist somewhere in most business families, and who somehow live long periods of their lives in this “twilight zone”, in between insiders and outsiders.

Often the in-laws try desperately to be included among the insiders of the family, with varying degrees of success.  Somehow many of them are never truly accepted as insiders, and sometimes for good reason.

It also occurs that the efforts made to become insiders can negate any outsider advantages they might have had to begin with!

In-laws each have their own reality to face, and some learn to live with the cards they’ve been dealt better than others. 

 

Looking Ahead

Next week, in Part II, we’ll look at what percentage of business families actually hire outside consultants, as well as things that outside advisors need to be aware of, as they are welcomed into the sacred world of a business family’s inside workings.

As Goldilocks taught us, not all situations are “just right”.

Due Diligence for the “Soft Stuff”

Writing a weekly blog and being one’s own editor can involve making some interesting choices at times.  This week I decided to use a term in my headline that’s actually one that many of my colleagues try to avoid.

But, the term “soft stuff” (and its derivations “soft skills” and “the soft side”) does in fact nicely convey the stark contrast between the work that we do compared with that of others, including many folks with whom we often collaborate.

There’s no shortage of words I could’ve used to make my point, but I settled on the Soft/Hard contrast here, for reasons I hope will be appreciated.


The “Normal” Uses of Due Diligence

Actually, my choice to go “soft” was mostly related to its contrast with the other phrase in the headline, “due diligence”.

And thanks to Google, we can quickly type in “due diligence meaning” and get this:

  • Reasonable steps taken by a person in order to satisfy a legal requirement, especially in buying or selling something.
  • A comprehensive appraisal of a business undertaken by a prospective buyer, especially to establish its assets and liabilities

Those definitions seem clearly aligned with what most people would agree are “hard stuff”, or quantifiable, legal matters that all businesses need to consider, especially when looking at a company’s ownership transition.

What About “Emotional & Interpersonal Due Diligence”?

Let’s start with a hat tip to Ron Reece, a US colleague I met recently as part of an FFI Course that’s part of their Advanced Certificate Program

As the FFI faculty member, I reach out to all the students in the course to arrange a Zoom meeting early on, to get to know them and where they are in their journey. 

The course is about Family Governance, and everyone in the class comes to it from different angles, so it’s truly a privilege to learn about their personal experiences.

During my intro call with Ron he shared a term that he’s been using to make his point about the importance of the work he does with families.

He told me he calls it “Emotional and Interpersonal Due Diligence”.  

“Wow”, I replied. “I’m gonna have to write a blog about that”.

Chess game

The Most Important Due Diligence?

Ron’s a psychologist, so he can pull off this kind of lingo better than most, but even guys like me who come from a business background can see how this can actually be the most important part of any due diligence process.

In fact, it deserves to be highlighted, especially in cases of family business succession, precisely because there’s likely to be less of the “regular” due diligence going on because the “transaction” is probably more of a “family transition”.

I’m having an A-Ha moment as I write this, so bear with me as I flesh this out.

Transactions Require Regular and Thorough Due Diligence

Transitions Require Emotional & Interpersonal Due Diligence

That thought wasn’t in my head when I started writing this, which is why I blog every week, for moments of clarity like this.

Some Important Work Needs to Be Done

If you are going to sell your business to someone, the buyer should/must/will conduct some form of due diligence before completing the transaction.

So when the business is going to go from one generation of a family to another, would it not make sense for some similar form of work to happen, to make sure that everything is going to work out as planned?

They need to be made to fully aware that a failed deal will come back to haunt them, and only some “soft side due diligence” can clear that up in advance.

Is the Shoe on the Other Foot?

What makes this trickier is the fact that every outside buyer would insist on due diligence and it will happen or else there’s no deal, BUT, in a family business situation, the “buyer” is often in a position of feeling like they are getting a favour, so the seller typically calls the shots.

And that’s precisely where (and why) things so often go wrong.

When there’s a group of related acquirers, who are beholden to the one who’s divesting, not enough attention is given to the cohesion and interpersonal relationships of the group of new owners.

What If It Doesn’t Work Out?

If the leading generation (seller) is in charge of the deal, they don’t want due diligence to screw up their deal.

They need to be made to fully aware that a failed deal will come back to haunt them, and only some “soft side due diligence” can clear that up in advance.

Coaching for Current & Future Family Leaders?

This week we’re talking about coaching for family leaders, both current and future. It’s a subject near and dear to my heart that keeps coming up for me lately.

I’d planned this piece a couple of weeks ago, and suddenly last Wednesday morning, something unexpected arrived in my inbox.

Well, it wasn’t completely unexpected, because I receive the latest edition of the FFI Practitioner every Wednesday morning, so that wasn’t the surprise. 

But the content was very much in line with what I was planning on sharing here this week, which I found serendipitous.

The featured piece is entitled The Benefits of Coaching for Family Enterprise Leaders and Practitioners by Greg McCann.

 

Hey! That’s What I Was Gonna Say!

Since I was going to say much of what he wrote, I decided to share his wisdom, and add my perspectives on the matter; kind of a win-win.

McCann outlines the benefits of coaching that still remain misunderstood by many people.  

He mentions “increasing the leader’s capacity for more than just the issue at that moment” and “a safe, neutral setting in which to process ideas, fears, perceptions, and patterns in their lives”, among other great points.

I’ve shared my history of trying to explain coaching to people in No, Dad, Coaching Isn’t “Helping Losers”.

 

Good Timing (For a Change!)

The coaching field continues to grow, in the number of trained and qualified coaches, and in its acceptance as a true field, which provides a valuable service to clients around the world.

My coach training journey began in 2013; at the time my focus was more on growing my facilitation practice, rather than 1-on-1 coaching opportunities.

But near the end of 2018 I decided that it was finally time for me to get my own professional coaching certification in 2019, and I completed that last November, through CTI.

As it turns out, my timing was impeccable. 

 

Best Time Ever for Coaching

The sudden arrival of this pandemic has resulted in this being one of the best times and opportunities for coaching that we could ever have expected.

The new situations that everyone is now facing have created a lot more thoughtful self-reflection in people everywhere.

Coaching can be valuable for everyone, IF they understand what it is and what it isn’t, and if they are ready to embark on the journey.

While my training was geared to coaching anyone, I’ve chosen to remain focused on family business, or, more correctly, people who are part of business families.

 

Lonely at the Top, AND at the Bottom

Family business leaders, like CEO’s in any business, often feel lonely, because there are some subjects that they just can’t talk about with others.

Executive coaching has been a huge area where coaching clients have seen benefits, exactly because these leaders have found someone who isn’t simply a “Yes-Person”, and instead they now have a person who will level with them and challenge their thinking.

It’s easy to see the “lonely at the top” aspect, but it can also be lonely at “the bottom”, especially in a family business, when you happen to have the right (or wrong?) last name.

Been there, done that; know how powerless it feels.

 

One Person CAN Change a System

One of my greatest “A-Ha” moments of the past few years is the realisation that a change in one person, can and will have an effect on the whole family system, with patience and persistence.

That means that I, as a neutral outsider to a family, don’t have to work with the whole family to effect positive change, because I can actually have almost as great an impact by working with just one, motivated person.

WOW, that’s actually pretty HUGE.

Now that I’ve finally realized this, my challenge is to convey this concept to potential clients, who often feel helpless to make the changes that they know are required in their families.

It turns out that families are pretty interdependent!

 

Current Realities Align with Coaching Too

Regular readers of my blog know that I’ve been a big fan of online meetings via Zoom for a while already, which just happens to be a fantastic “delivery mechanism” for coaching services.  See Who’s Zooming Who.

I’ve coached several people that I still have never met in person, and I imagine this will continue to be the case going forward.

Members of enterprising families are all in a somewhat unique situation, where finding a “thinking partner” who “gets” them can be a challenge.

Good news: there are coaches who “get” you…

No, We Aren’t “There” Yet

In some ways the new realities we’re all facing during this pandemic are starting to feel like a really long car trip.

“Are we there yet?”, ask the kids for the umpteenth time.

No, unfortunately, we don’t seem to be “there” just yet.  

And it may be another few hours, if we don’t have car trouble.


Finding Gratitude

As hard as it is though, it could be worse. In fact, for many people, it is worse.  

Lately whenever people have asked how I am, I reply that if I took 100 random people around me, and ranked them by how much they now have to worry about compared to before, I would rank somewhere near the bottom of the list.

I try to remind myself of that on a regular basis.  It’s good to have things for which we are grateful. 

Gratitude, being thankful for what we do have, is an important habit that more of us would do well to adopt.

Comparing to Other People, and to Other Times

So we can compare ourselves to other people who have it worse, and admit that we have less to worry about than most of them; I suspect that most readers of this blog are in similar positions.  

Business families, and those who advise them, are often part of the upper middle class, if not also part of the proverbial “1%”.

So what if we compare this pandemic to how it might have been to live through something similar in a previous decade.

Imagine a real car trip from your childhood, where you were in the back seat, bored to the point of playing “licence plate bingo” or some other lame distraction.

Back then, we were truly left “to our own devices”, whereas today’s kids typically each have their “own device”!

 

Still Getting Things Done

Many of us are continuing to “get things done”, even if we need to modify how we do it.  

Many of us are “zooming” or using other online platforms to meet, and getting better at it all the time.

We better get used to it, because there doesn’t seem to be anything that will magically happen that will get things back to the way they were a few months ago.

And so if things will remain uncertain for a while, what can we do?

Plan for the Worst

I think that hoping things get resolved quickly and continuing to do very little else is likely the worst course of action.

The old adage of “Plan for the worst; Hope for the best” still holds.

I heard a business owner on the radio recently, who happens to be a former client, who runs a manufacturing operation with a large and growing online B2C business.

He said that they are working on the assumption that things will remain as they are now for the next 18-24 months, and they are acting accordingly.

I knew he was a wise man when he hired me a few years ago, but he proved it again just there.

Doesn’t it make sense to plan for a long period of this, and then you can hopefully unwind it early, rather than to simply patch things as you go, and hope things will come back next month?

 

Family Issues to Be Addressed?

Meanwhile, these past few months have likely raised some issues in the family circle in addition to the business circle.

In some ways the question “Are we there yet?”, when asked about a family’s governance, might also have a clear “No, not yet” answer.

Some of these family aspects, now that they have surfaced, may be worth revisiting, before they get worse.

Individual Development for “When We Get There”

And as long as there’s still some more time to go until we “get there”, isn’t this an ideal opportunity for some of the individuals who are part of the business family, to work on themselves to develop whatever capacities they need to work on, to be even more ready for the day when they’ll be expected to take on more responsibility?

This new, unconventional situation we are living is full of questions, but not all of the answers are negative.

There are positives and opportunities here, available to those who have their eyes open and who have the right attitude.

We may not be there yet, but we will get there.