You Can Only Plan So Far Ahead

This week we’re looking at the reality faced by those of us who work with groups of family members as part of our role in guiding families through the challenges they face when transitioning their family assets to the next generation.

For those who simply advise a family leader (or couple) it’s typically much simpler. You give them your best ideas and advice, a few tips on sharing information within their family group, wish them luck, and you’re done. 

Of course, what happens next, when they in turn speak with their family members, is that they’re met with questions, resistance, quizzical looks, rolling of eyes, and all manner of uncertainty. Things often grind to a halt or spin out of control from there.

Some families are wise and lucky enough to find and enlist the help of skilled outsiders who know what questions to expect and can help guide the family forward, at least by one more next step.

That “one step at a time” aspect is what I want to share more about now.

More Peer Group Benefits 

Let’s put some context around how this topic became top of mind for me recently.

As noted in Meta Views on Sharing with Peers and Families I participate in a few regular meetings with peers, where we share ideas and stories about how we work with families.

A recent call had someone sharing a live case that they’re involved with, and the dozen or so others on the screen provided them with all sorts of ideas that they might pursue with the family we’d discussed.

And Some Sports Analogies Too

My mind kept churning after the call, and I couldn’t help thinking that even though this advisor now had a handful of great ideas that they might pursue with the family at their next meeting, it would be next to impossible for them to lay out a long term plan for how to implement these great ideas.

While every advisor and family leader may have some idea around the best approach to take as a family recognizes the need to begin to have regular meetings and to create some semblance of governance, it’s difficult to lay out Step A, Step B, and Step C, in order.

Trying to carve it in stone from the get go is NOT recommended.

You can only realistically plan Step A, and you need to keep B, C, D, etc. on the back burner (or in your back pocket), until they can all, as a family, see what works, what gets traction, and what the family is ready for.

As a fan of sports analogies (see Formula 1 Racing and Working with 1% Families) the next morning I tuned into a soccer match….

Tic-Tac-Toe Just as They Planned

The FA Cup game began with a pass all the way back to the goalkeeper, who fired the ball downfield in what seemed like a set play.

Surely this couldn’t turn directly into a scoring opportunity as they’d drawn it up in the locker room. There are too many moving parts on the field. Or so I thought.

A mere 16 seconds later, the ball was in the back of the net, and I wondered if maybe I was wrong. The play involved about 4 or 5 players, and the 4 or 5 steps all worked out in order, seemingly exactly as planned.

Playing the Very Long Game

As I tried to process what I just saw, it finally came to me. The score in the game was 1-nil, but there were still 89 minutes to go (at a minimum).

They managed to put a few exact steps together and successfully attained one step along the way to victory, but the rest of the game was played with more of the typical “fits and starts” that sports fans are accustomed to seeing.

Similarly, when working with a family on an intergenerational transition, you’re playing an even longer long game, measured in years and decades, not seconds and minutes.

As advisors or coaches who work with families, sometimes we can draw up a nice sequence of moves that work out, but it’s much more important to know how to guide the family through the ups and downs of the whole season.

Having family members learn how to play nicely together as a team is always key, so time spent on that is never wasted.

It Gets Dangerous When People Won’t Disembark

When going about one’s business in society, there are some unwritten rules that people follow that ensure the smooth and safe flow of people.

Some of these are based on laws that are written and enforced, but many are simply based on custom.

Driving a car is largely based on laws, with a few customs sprinkled in, and these are usually formally taught to those who wish to be licensed to drive.

How we walk through airports, shopping malls, and other public spaces is usually way less formal, and is something we learn from our parents, who are concerned for our safety and try to teach us how to function in society.

One such basic practice is to always get off an escalator when you get to the top (or bottom), and not to step backwards just to stay on.

Stretching the Metaphor for All It’s Worth

I may have used more words than necessary to set up my metaphor, but I’m glad that I was able to incorporate the part about how such customs of behaviour in society are typically taught to us from a young age by other family members.

In my work with intergenerational families, it’s always interesting to note how the proverbial apples don’t fall very far from the tree.

Yet there are some things that the leading generation sometimes does that don’t serve the family well, which are then learned by their successors, much to the dismay of the generation that then has to follow them.

Failing to disembark from the escalator, and not getting out of the way of those who are behind you, is a problem that we see far too often.

It’s not safe for anyone, and the repercussions are far-reaching.

Examples Abound – Let’s Look as Some

A couple of months back, in Starting Family Discussions Late – 5 Considerations I shared a real-life story about a large family in the town where I was visiting relatives.

The matriarch had recently passed away, which brought with it a hope that some of the uncertainty facing the rising generations might soon be clarified.

What I didn’t get very deep into then, and what I hope to address here, is the follow-on effects that such lack of clarity can have on the subsequent generations of these families.

When those in their 80’s and 90’s still haven’t ended their ride on the proverbial escalator, those behind them in their 60’s aren’t able to begin to make their own plans, which then stifles the ability of their offspring to figure out where they fit into things.

You now end up with people in the prime of their lives and careers, in their 30’s and 40’s, who are unable to make key decisions around whether or not they have a future in the family enterprise.

A Recent Extreme Tale

I recently made a presentation about legacy planning to an industry group in the center of the universe (Canadian readers all know I’m referring to Toronto).

During the Q & A, an attendee shared their story, which I will now relate here, while disguising some facts for privacy.

The G1 founder is in his late 90’s and still very much in charge of all major decisions, including many day-to-day ones.

Unfortunately, the G2 heir apparent passed away recently, reinforcing the founder’s perceived need to stick around even longer.

The G3 person who attended my session, who’s trying to run the company with a sibling (and both see things very differently, by the way) now has to deal with a meddling founder grandfather, a mother who suddenly holds a large ownership share despite never having been involved in the business, and a sibling equal.

When this person’s offspring, who are hitting their prime working years, ask their parent to try to paint a picture of their future in this family enterprise, how can they do anything but shrug their shoulders and say, “we’ll see…”?

Moving from a “Me Focus” to a “We Focus”

I’m often too indirect in my writing referring to the importance of “having important discussions”.

I now want to highlight that talk is insufficient, and that action has to occur.

A key action that needs to happen is for senior family leaders to get off the damn escalator.

They need to move from focusing on ME to doing what’s best for WE.

Hopefully some will recognize themselves and act.

Frequency of Interventions Varies Over Time

The time lapse between a blog idea and my eventually writing about it is usually a matter of weeks, typically somewhere between 2 and 6.

This week, I’m writing about an idea that’s been sitting in my “blog ideas” email folder for almost two years.

It just finally feels like it’s time to share my thoughts on this.

In my work, what I do with the “Smith” family is never a good predictor of what working with the “Jones” family will be like.

Likewise, the circumstances, timing, approach, and cadence of the work with the Brown family will be very different from what occurs with the Johnsons.

Some Patterns Are Common Though

The fact that the families and their situations are never the same doesn’t mean that there aren’t some patterns that develop.

In the same way that I work with very different families, my chiropractor works with all sorts of patients, and no two are the same for her either.

There’s an informative poster on the wall of one of her treatment rooms that does a nice job of explaining three different stages of care that chiropractors generally deliver.

The poster is in French, and I was worried about how I’d translate some of the specifics, but thankfully my friend Mr. Google helped me out and found a site with the same information in English.

Ever since I first had the idea to write about this, I’ve understood that there’s something useful here for those of us who work with families on the challenges of transitioning their business and wealth to the next generation.

How Serious Is It Now? How Often Do I Need to See You?

Over the years that I’ve been seeing Dr. B., the cadence of my visits has varied greatly, depending on what has ailed me.

Initially, it was sciatica, which probably fell under the heading of “Initial Intensive Care”, which is often the first stage and the one that made me make an appointment.

In my work, this might be analogous to some family conflict that has reared its head, and is too hard to ignore anymore.

Families who reach out for an external resource at such times usually need some version of lots of “intensive care”, if only to make them realize that they need to work through the issue, and likely won’t be successful on their own.

The chiro version of this looks at “pain & symptom management”, whereas my equivalent is something along the lines of clarifying interests and trying to find common ground, while providing a safe space and calm presence.

Rehabilitative and Corrective Care

The second stage of chiropractic care is labeled “rehabilitative/corrective care”.

Visits during such treatments are usually spaced out further, but still quite regular. At this point, we’re not going in twice in the same week, but we may have a number of visits, once a week or every two weeks for a certain period of time.

Working with families, this stage is probably the sweet spot, where you start to make progress with a family group.

You’re also possibly not dealing with a real “pain point”, and more likely building in some of the elements of family mission and vision, and laying the groundwork for family governance.

The chiropractic work here looks at “improved function”, which may be something as simple as having better and more productive regular meetings with family members, where the family’s relationship to the business is discussed.

The Holy Grail of Maintenance Mode

I’m happiest when I leave the chiropractor’s office with my next appointment set for a month later.

That means I’ve arrived at the maintenance stage, and I’m usually feeling as good physically as I have in a while.

The chiro world calls this “wellness/elective care”, which is mostly preventative and consists of minor adjustments before little things get worse.

In my work, this can be where a family “graduates” from requiring regular services from me, and an occasional check in is all that’s really required.

The Limits of this Analogy

There is of course no perfect analogy, but I think about this from time to time, especially early on with a new family.

It takes a certain amount of time just to figure out what the family truly needs, because often they don’t have a very good handle on this themselves yet either.

Hopefully I’ll have just the right touch for them.