What Is a Family Harmony “Breakthrough”?

Because I like to consider myself somewhat of a communications specialist, I attach a great deal of importance to my choice of words, as I always want to be as clear as possible about everything I say and write.

There is already plenty of miscommunication and misunderstanding going on out there, I certainly don’t want to add to it. I much prefer to help to try to clean things up instead.

At the behest of my business coach, Melissa, who has been working with me for almost a year now, I recently added a simplified service offering on my website, which we dubbed the “Family Harmony Breakthrough Package”. I have to admit that the word “breakthrough” took a while to grow on me, but now I love it.

Let me explain it a bit, in the hopes that its full meaning does not get lost in the “marketing-ness” of the way it may sound to some. I am all about the family harmony part, it was Melissa who came up with the “breakthrough package” part.

I won’t explain what family harmony is, but the other two words are something I would like to clarify. Let’s start with “package”.

In the field of family business advising, the offer the consultant makes to the family can never be easily and clearly defined to everyone’s satisfaction, and this contributes to the hesitancy that many families already have when it comes to bringing in an “outsider” to help them.

So, inspired by some coaches who offer a “six-month package”, or a “nine-month package”, I have now launched what I call the Family Harmony Breakthrough Package, where the term “package” is designed mostly to set out the stages and the boundaries of what is involved.

The package has pre-defined steps, has a clear starting point and end point, and a deliverable. The timeframe can vary due to complexity and logistics, but 2-3 months is about average. When a family signs on, they know in advance what to expect in terms of the process.

https://stevelegler.com/family-harmony-breakthrough-package/

I believe in the adage that it is important to under promise and over deliver, and that is the main reason that I hesitated to use the word “breakthrough” in the name of the package, but as I stated earlier, it grew on me. Let me tell you why.

Many families, if not most families, coexist in a state that I like to call “okay”. Everything is “okay”, pretty much. You may know this state by another familiar term, “fine”. Everything is just fine.

Okay and fine are a good place to be, right? Well yes, but…

A typical business family has a large number of moving parts, and an even greater number of relationships. On a day-to-day or week-to-week basis, “okay” and “fine” are much better than “crappy” and “lousy”.

One of the advantages that family businesses have over others is their long-term view, as the business is set up to provide for the needs of the family over future generations. Thinking long term, “okay” and “fine” just won’t cut it.

The key people will grow into new roles, the founders will age and exit, and the people involved will see their relationships change too, and not always for the better.

The breakthrough comes when some time and effort is put into looking at, thinking about, and planning where these relationships are now, and talking about how the people are going to work together in the future. There is a whole heckuva lot of inertia to overcome, and few families will do this on their own, without an independent outside expert to guide them.

The time to act is when things are going well. On my business card, I say that I am a “facilitator, coach, and mediator”. It is much more pleasant to work the first two roles, and less fun to mediate a dispute.

The back of my card has my tagline: Helping business families create the harmony they need, to support the legacy they want. Is your family ready for a breakthrough?

 

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When Did You Spring Forward?

The ritual takes place twice a year, and people handle it in different ways. For some, it is no big deal, for others it is a source of problems, from disturbed sleep patterns to missed appointments.

I am talking about changing our clocks because of the observance of Daylight Savings Time throughout most of North America and many other parts of the world.

After moving our clocks back an hour last November, two weeks ago it was time for everyone to “Spring Forward” an hour, in order to “save” an hour of daylight. The whole notion of “saving” daylight is ridiculous or course; all we are doing is making the daylight more convenient for most people.

As someone who enjoys observing people, I find it instructive to look at how different people handle some of these mundane situations, because you can often gather a pretty accurate picture of someone from how they handle relatively insignificant events.

Ever since I have known my wife, she has complained about having to change the clocks twice a year, while pointing out that the practice was started to help farmers, at a time in our history when they made up a far larger percentage of the population.

While she does like to complain about this twice a year, it really has not ever negatively affected her, but she just dislikes the inconvenience and the couple of days it takes to readjust her body clock.

Personally, I find it hard to relate to the people who are readjusting their watches and clocks on Sunday, ex post facto. Wow, did they really NOT see it coming?

OK, so maybe I am a bit extreme in my modus operandi; I start changing the clocks around the house right after supper on Saturday, along with my car and my watch. That way, I actually start to make my body clock adjustments in advance.

I do a similar “purposefully fooling myself” trick when I fly to a different time zone. As soon as I board the plane and get seated, I change my watch to the time of my destination city, and I begin to slowly adjust to my new reality.

When you know that something is going to change, why would you not begin to make the adjustments in advance if you could? That is a rhetorical question, but what the heck am I really getting at in this blog that is usually (at least tangentially) related to family business?

Well, if you know that some day you are going to retire and that you expect your children to be running the company, would it not make sense to start to act as if you realize that the day will arrive at some point? Maybe let them have an opportunity to make some decisions, or run a department or division without looking over their shoulders too much?

Also, if you know that you will someday actually retire to do other things, have you started to try to find out what those other things are going to be, so that you can prepare them and maybe actually find out what you are looking forward to doing?

If you do it right, you could actually accomplish both of these things simultaneously. Give your offspring (notice I decided against using the term “children” again, since they really are more like “former children” once they are adults) an opportunity to take on more responsibility AND also take some time away to work on figuring out what you will be retiring to.

You will help the rising generation to “Spring Forward” into the roles that they have likely longed for, and you will “Spring Toward” the lifestyle that you have been working so hard to obtain. Sounds like the ultimate Win/Win situation to me.

One more thing: When did you really “spring forward” in life, how old were you? How old are your offspring now?

 

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There’s Only So Much I Can Do

A few years ago, I adopted a new “mantra”, or “credo”, after a particularly stressful few months of my life. “There’s only so much you can do”, is how it went.

It is not that I had been a perfectionist beforehand or anything, but I was working pretty hard on a project and I became frustrated that it was not being as well received by everyone as I had hoped, and I became sensitive to some criticism of what I was doing.

Then one day it dawned on me that I was never going to make everyone happy, no matter how hard I tried, even if I bent over backwards. I resigned myself to doing my best, being satisfied with the effort and the result, and thinking, “to hell with it if some people aren’t happy”.

I actually began to frequently repeat the phrase around the house, so much so that my wife actually printed it out and framed it for me to put it up in my office, where I continue to see it daily.

If you have been paying close attention though, you will have noted a slight difference between that mantra and the title of this blog post. I still like the mantra as it is, but I have also come to a major realisation recently, which had me switch out the word “you” and bring in the word “I”.

Now I want to be clear about the reason for the change in words, and also to say that one saying is not necessarily “better” than the other, but that they are slightly different.

My wife might cynically say to me that my preference for the first person pronoun stems from the fact that I always act as if “it’s all about me”, but I would beg to differ.

Instead, I am looking at it more from the “personal responsibility” perspective. When we see the pronoun “you”, it looks like a second person pronoun, but it isn’t really, in this case, is it?

If I were to say, “there is only so much you can do” to a particular person, in response to a particular situation, then yes, it clearly is a second person pronoun.

But if I say it in the usual context in which I made it my mantra, it is really saying that there is a limit to what “any person” can do, which really makes it a third person pronoun, and what does that really mean?

To me, it is kind of like giving up, and not taking responsibility for MY part in it. During my coaching training, the course leaders often used a technique to drive this point home when a participant would use the pronoun “you” as I way to escape responsibility.

For example, someone would say, “you know, it’s really difficult, because you feel silly, you feel like you might be misunderstood, etc.” The instructor would feign confusion, and say “excuse me, who? Who is ‘you’? Do you mean ‘I’?”

If the person is speaking about himself, then the correct word is “I”, first person. But what is the reason for not saying “I”? In these cases, I think that the person is either trying to de-personalize it, and/or make it seem that that is the reaction that “any normal person” would have.

For me, saying that there is only so much “I can do”, is starting to feel more natural. It can be difficult to get someone to be more personally responsible for their actions, but like any habit, practice, more practice, and even more practice is required.

Once you have that down pat, there are surely others things you can work on too. Here is a suggestion: get rid of the word “but”, and substitute the word “and” in its place.

You may be surprised how much negativity you can get rid of with that simple change. And there is only so much I can do to make you try it!

 

 

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Mélanger les cartes d’affaires

Ayant récemment fait traduire mon livre en français, j’ai réalisé que mes cartes d’affaires anglaises seraient probablement mal perçues en compagnie de cette version de mon livre.

Un “business card” peut aller avec un “book”. Mais ça prend une “carte d’affaires” pour aller avec un “livre”. J’avais donc une autre traduction à faire. Et par la suite, ça sera la traduction du site web. En effet, des sites webs, en commençant avec le site spécifique au livre et finalement le site principal.

En traduisant la carte, j’ai fait une réflexion sur les différentes cartes d’affaires que j’ai eu au courant de ma carrière. Wow, de ma première, (Steve Legler Jr., B.Com., Marketing Manager, Tri-Steel Industries Inc.) jusqu’à ma plus récente, (Steve Legler, MBA, CFA, FEA, Conseiller, PME Familiales), j’en ai probablement eu une douzaine, sinon plus.

Il y a plusieurs décisions à prendre quand vient le temps de se faire une carte professionelle, surtout pour les gens qui travaillent à leur compte. Si tu travailles pour une compagnie, tes options seront sûrement limitées aux versions “standards” de la compagnie. Mais pour un “solopreneur”, c’est illimité.

Cette fois-ci, étant donné qu’il s’agisssait d’une simple traduction, il y avait moins de décisions, puisque les choix du logo, du style, des titres, etc. avait déjà été fait quand j’avais fait faire mes “business cards”.

Mais même à ça, il y avait assez de complexité. Comment dire “facilitator” en français? J’ai opté pour “animateur”, mais j’aurais pu aller avec facilitateur aussi.

Même mon titre principal de “Family Business Advisor” n’était pas nécessairement évident. J’ai finalement décidé que Conseiller PME familiales était la meilleure façon de dire ce que je voulais dire.

Les cartes d’affaires sont peut-être moins importantes ces temps-ci, étant donné que nos communications sont surtout électroniques et qu’une fois que j’ai ton numéro de téléphone dans mon iPhone et ton adresse courriel dans mon Outlook, j’ai plus ou moins tout ce qu’il me faut pour te contacter. C’est rendu presque plus important d’avoir une bonne “signature” sur ses courriels.

Dans certains pays, notamment au Japon, le rituel d’échange de cartes d’affaires est pris très au sérieux. Si un japonais vous donne sa carte et tu le mets tout de suite dans ta poche sans l’avoir étudiée comme il faut, il parait que c’est l’équivalent de lui sacrer une claque sur la gueule.

J’ai récemment fait un échange de cartes avec plusieurs personnes en même temps, autour d’une table, et j’avais ramassé les 4-5 cartes et les ai mises dans ma poche sans trop regarder. Plus tard, en les regardant comme il faut, je me suis rendu compte qu’un des monsieurs m’avait donné la carte de son assistante par erreur.

Quand je l’ai rencontré le lendemain, je lui ai signalé ce “mélange des cartes” et il s’est excusé et m’a donné une de ses cartes personnelles. Mais c’est là que je lui ai expliqué que si nous étions au Japon, j’aurais assurément remarqué l’erreur immédiatement. À moins que j’aurais voulu lui donner une bonne claque, bien entendu.

Mais une carte d’affaires a le potentiel de laisser une bonne ou une mauvaise impression sur quelqu’un. Et puisque nous donnons souvent notre carte lors d’une des premières rencontres avec quelqu’un, il peut s’agir d’une bonne ou mauvaise première impression.

Si vous êtes comme moi, quand vous recevez une carte “cheap” et mal pensée, vous commencez parfois à avoir des sérieux doutes sur le professionalisme de la personne. Ça fait partie de notre “branding”, quand même.

Quand je vous donne ma carte d’affaires, je le fais avec fierté, parce qu’elle n’est pas “cheap”, et je sais qu’elle est bien pensée. Vous pourrez la mettre immédiatement dans votre poche si vous voulez, et je ne serai pas offusqué pour autant. Et je ne vous donnerai jamais la carte de mon assistante par erreur, parce que je n’ai pas d’assistante!

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I Just Sold My Business for $50 Million. Now What?

This kind of situation happens in real life, and it certainly causes people to be seen differently by others, but that is only the beginning of how their lives will change. Most people will be envious of anyone in this position, but that doesn’t mean that they have necessarily solved all of their problems either.

So what does change, and what problems are you now faced with if you are the person at the center of this?

I will focus my comments on a “plain vanilla” family business situation for simplicity’s sake, but keep in mind that things can be much more complicated these days, with complex family structures that sometimes seem to be the norm with reconstituted families.

Let’s look at just three aspects of the new reality this person would face in the months and years after the business sale: the money, the person, and the family. Let’s call the person “Pat” for the sake of gender neutrality.

The Money

So Pat was recently running a business worth $50 million, and was probably doing a pretty good job, seeing as a company that size doesn’t typically run by itself. Good job, Pat. In comparison, running a $50 million pile of cash should be a walk in the park, right?

Well maybe yes, but not necessarily. The company surely had lots of qualified people looking after different departments. Money is certainly more straightforward, but it doesn’t manage itself either.

Pat may be surprised by how many new “friends” show up with great opportunities to invest part of that money, as well as how many experts materialize all of a sudden, each insisting that they are the best person for Pat’s particular situation.

Take your time, Pat, there is no big rush. Yes, you probably want to get your capital working for you, but taking a few weeks or months to figure out just how you want to manage your wealth is highly recommended. If any potential advisor tries to rush you, that is likely a sign that they are more interested in how your wealth can help them, and not you.

The Person

So Pat, what do you want to do? Travel, play golf, great. But what else?

Is there enough there to keep you challenged? People who work for someone else are often satisfied to no longer have to work for some A-Hole boss after they retire, and they can often be found on the golf course.

But Pat, you built a company, and now you sold it. I sure hope you already have some ideas of what you want to do with your time, some kind of projects, to replace the “work” part of your life.

Take a break, recharge, yes, great. But then what? I hope you will try a few new things and keep going until you find something that keeps the drive alive. Or better yet, you can find a few different “somethings”. Hint: Try volunteering. Plenty of good causes need good help.

The Family

Now this could be the toughest one of all.

Assuming that you have children, some of whom may have worked in the business, things have now changed for them too. Depending on whether or not they saw this coming, whether or not they remain with the company for some period, and whether or not they have marketable skills to find a similar job elsewhere, this is not something to dismiss lightly.

Please take the opportunity to share your thoughts with each of your children, individually and together, on how this sale changes things for them too. An attitude of “well, that’s their problem” is not very helpful.

If you have spent most of your time focussing on the business at the expense of spending time being a parent, maybe you can start to make up for that now?

When I wrote “share your thoughts” with your family, I wasn’t talking about a one-time event here, but regular contact. Get to know them each a bit better, treat them fairly, be a good parent, and help each of them become the best person they can be. Now there is a worthwhile project.

 

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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