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Gray Is My Favourite Colour

I had lunch with a friend a couple of weeks ago, and it turned out that we had a mutual acquaintance. “Bryan” told me that he and “Larry” had recently had a long discussion about things that are actually truly “black and white”. I wish I had been there, because to me, “everything is gray” as I told him.

There is a folder in my email account in which I keep blog ideas, and I have had the idea for this blog about “grayness” in there for the longest time, so I figured it was now time to give it a go.

The title of today’s installment is a line from the 1998 Counting Crows song, “Mr. Jones”, which has long been one of my favourites. The song mentions “all of the beautiful colours are very very meaningful” and the singer continues, “Gray is my favourite colour”.

I have always loved gray, and not just because you can spell it gray or grey, it goes with everything too!

But let’s get back to gray versus black and white. I believe that between black and white there are over 49 different shades of gray. I have not read the famous book, nor have I spotted it on my wife’s nightstand.

But seriously, very few things are 100% in life, either black or white. As part of my former life when I personally managed the portfolios of our family office, I had printed out a copy of some newsletter writer’s “Twenty Rules for Traders”.

The list, which included one rule that said something like “You must always follow the rules”, later concluded that you needed “To know when you should ignore the rules and break them.” OK then.

Many people really like things to be black or white, because it actualy makes things a lot simpler when  making decisions is clear and rules-based. But there are inevitably exceptions that come up, and that is when you need to exercise judgement. As you may have noticed, not everyone has sound judgement, which can be problematic.

In the family business realm, some advisors learn to rely on certain practices that have worked well with a few clients and then assume that these should be applied as hard and fast rules for all their clients. Yikes, I always worry when advisors are so sure of the solutions before they understand the client.

I don’t have too many non-negotiables, because there are almost always some exceptions that will come up in some situation with some client.

If I did have one such “rule” it would be that before hiring their children to work full time in the family business, parents should insist that the children work for someone else for a few years.

But even though I highly recommend this practice, I am positive that it is not always necessary, and I could point to many cases where it was not done and there were no detrimental effects.

I still remember when I was just about to graduate from McGill and my Dad told me that he had heard from some people at a CAFÉ meeting (Canadian Association for Family Enterprise) about this idea of getting the kids to “go find a real job first”, I was quite excited by it, until he completed his sentence and said “But we’re not gonna do that”.

If you pushed me to find something that is not gray, I guess I would have go to the subject of integrity, because that is where there is no room for any gray.

And I just googled the word “integrity” to find an awesome ending to this post, and look what I found, an entry with two definitions of the word:

  1. The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
  2. The state of being whole and undivided.

I can buy that. But gray is still my favourite colour!

 

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Apprendre en lisant; réapprendre en relisant

C’est assez rare que je relis un livre, mais quand je le fais, j’apprends de nouvelles choses à chaque fois. Je devrais donc le faire plus souvent, n’est-ce pas?

Si je ne le fais pas autant que je le devrais, c’est sans doute grâce à un manque de temps. Et aussi, à cause d’un surplus de livres déjà sur mon bureau.

Mais dernièrement, j’ai eu la chance de faire quelque chose que je n’avais jamais fait auparavant. J’ai relu un livre en français que j’avais déjà lu en anglais. C’était vraiment cool, parce que tandis que le contenu était presque complètement pareil, c’était exprimé d’une nouvelle façon.

Ça veut probablement dire que la traduction était très bien faite, et j’ose dire que le livre était sûrement à mon goût si j’ai pris la peine de le relire.

Depuis que j’oeuvre dans le domaine des entreprises familiales, j’ai lu quelques livres sur le sujet, mais celui-ci était le premier que j’ai relu, et en le relisant, je me suis rappellé comment je l’avais aimé la première fois.

Mais quel est ce livre remarquable, vous vous demandez? En anglais, il s’appelle SHIFT your Family Business, c’est sorti en juillet 2014, et son auteur est quelqu’un que je vois souvent, surtout quand je regarde dans le miroir.

J’ai décidé de le faire traduire en français dernièrement, et je venais de recevoir la version française il y a deux semaines environ. Je ne sais pas si je l’aurais relu autrement, surtout pas si vite après l’avoir lu la première fois.

C’était toute une expérience de voir mes textes dans une autre forme que laquelle je les avais écrits, mais c’était très agréable de lire un livre qui avait un contenu avec lequel j’étais tellement d’accord!

Puisque les mots n’étaient pas les miens, j’oubliais parfois que l’idée était de vérifier si la traductrice avait bien saisi mes pensées et qu’elle avait bien réussi à les exprimer de nouveau en français.

Mais en même temps, j’ai eu une nouvelle appréciation pour ce que j’avais accompli du premier coup en l’écrivant en anglais. J’espère que l’effort que j’ai investi dans cette traduction aura valu la peine, mais je n’avais pas vraiment le choix, étant donné que je vis au Québec et ce n’est pas tout le monde qui est capable de lire mon livre en anglais.

Ça ne finira pas là non plus, puisque jusqu’ici mon site web est seulement en anglais, sans oublier mes cartes d’affaires!

Ça s’en vient, tranquillement pas vite. En même temps, je consacre mes efforts pour trouver toutes les façons et opportunités pour faire circuler mon message, et je crois que les gens commencent à m’entendre, et ils continueront à m’entendre en 2015.

Je trouve qu’il existe encore trop de familles en affaires qui se concentrent trop sur leur entreprise plutôt que sur leur famille.

Ceux qui offrent leurs services à des PME familiales sont aussi trop concentrés sur l’aspect “compagnie” et pas assez sur l’aspect “famille”.

Ça commence à changer, mais pas assez vite à mon goût.

La version française de mon livre s’intitule “Changer votre vision de l’entreprise familiale. Cessez de travailler dans votre entreprise familiale et travaillez plutôt sur votre famille entrepreneuriale.”

J’espère que la version française sera disponible au mois de février 2015. SHIFT your Family Business est disponible sur Amazon.com et Amazon.ca depuis juillet 2014.

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Would You Like to See the Menu, or the Recipe Book?

Advising family businesses is a growing field, as more people are recognizing what an important part they play in the economy, with all sorts of statistics being bandied about, from the percentage of GDP to the percentage of jobs that they are responsible for.

Still, the vast majority of those who advise these businesses continue to serve mostly the business circle, and not that many actually specialize in the issues that affect the family circle. I have spent about 95% of my life in the business circle, since I was raised to believe that it was the only one that mattered.

As a recent convert to the family circle, I can tell you that it is a very drastic change in perception, and not one that most people comprehend easily. I have committed myself to continue to “preach the gospel” about the importance of taking care of the family dynamics issues before they cause problems.

I had my A-Ha moment almost 2 years ago during the Family Enterpise Advisor course (www.ifea.ca). I first blogged about this in June 2013: https://stevelegler.com/three-circles-seven-sectors-one-a-ha-moment/

Today I want to talk about some of the difficulties I have had when trying to explain just how facilitators, coaches, and mediators like myself fit into the picture, especially when speaking to the advisors who already serve family businesses. In fact, one simple way is to say to them that while they serve the family business, we serve the business family.

Over lunch recently with a colleague who makes his living from selling insurance policies that are used in large and complex trusts for ultra-high-net-worth individuals, he explained to me that it would help me greatly to develop and explain my “process”, so that people like accountants and tax specialists could realize and understand how I add value to their services.

But last week during a similar lunchtime discussion, this time with someone who also works the process side of things (a business transition coach, but who does not typically work with families) I had no trouble getting him to understand my complaint that there is no “recipe” or exact set of steps to this work that can be laid out as “my process”.

I made the analogy of a baker versus a chef. Baking, from my limited experience, is a science, where not following the steps of the recipe exactly will almost surely result in a sub-optimal end result. Family business advising is much more like cooking; think soup, stew, or chili. It is much more of an art, with a variety of ingredients and quantities depeneding on the chef and the season.

A couple of days later, it hit me. It is not a recipe that I need to show people, because even pretending that there is a proper recipe would be wrong. A better analogy would be to show people the menu.

When someone comes into a restaurant, they almost always look at the menu, and rarely ask to see the recipe book. And so it should be for family business advisors.

Then I took it a step or two further. Some restaurants have menus that are so extensive that they actually offer too many choices. What might be even better is a kind of “lunchtime special” menu, where you get a soup or a salad, a choice of 10 main courses, and a cup of coffee.

I know that there are others in this space that may be struggling with getting their message heard in a productive way, and I am a big believer in helping to make the pie bigger.

I want to continue to get the message out to people who work with business families that they not simply assume that the family issues will just take care of themselves, and that the only key client is the business.

The need is huge, even if it has not yet manifested itself as a huge demand. Nobody can “corner the market”, but we can help to grow the demand, by continuing to spread the message.

Would you care to see my lunch specials? Stay tuned.

 

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A Will Outlines the “What”, But Not the “How”

Most people will agree that it is very important for everyone to have a will, and some will go so far as to remind you of the importance of keeping that crucial document up to date.

That is all very well and good, but in my books it is not nearly sufficient. Of course if you still do not have a will, I encourage you to take care of this deficiency ASAP.

By the same token, if you DO have a will, but you have not looked at it or updated it in the last few years, please pull it out and see if it all still makes sense with the reality of your family today.

Regular readers of this blog will know that I have a penchant for analogies, and for this subject I believe I have come up with one that is very à propos.

While it does not lend itself to a good blog title or soundbite, it is nonetheless very important to understand.

Here goes: A will is like a law. Your will tells your heirs what happens to all your assets and possessions. Similarly, a law is a document that describes what is allowed and what is legal, and what is not allowed and illegal.

But laws are written in general terms, and then the laws get turned into regulations. There are people who work for the various governments and departments, whose job it is to turn the laws into rules and regulations, and it is these rules and regulations, not the laws, that are the key to how the laws impact the day-to-day lives of citizens.

So if a will is like a law, and a law depends on its regulations, what does the will depend on? I’m glad you asked!

The lawyer who prepared the will can help the family understand what the will means legally, insofar as who now owns what. A good lawyer, who took the time to get to know and understand his or her client’s wishes and intentions, may even be able to help the family understand WHY things were laid out a certain way.

But I don’t know too many lawyers who will be able to help the family figure out HOW they are going to get along and manage things in the future, now that the dearly departed has actually departed.

Imagine if there were a way that you could help your family work through the questions of HOW they are going to work together after you are gone. Wait, why are you just imagining it, why aren’t you actually doing it?

Now I am not suggesting that this is the kind of discussion that everyone loves to have, far from it. But it is too important to ignore it.

Best-selling author Tom Deans’ second book, Willing Wisdom, gives some very thought-provoking advice, sugesting that everyone review their will annually, and modify the document as needed after having a collaborative discussion with their entire family.

I love the idea, but I acknowledge that it is probably a little extreme for most people. But talking about sex never got anyone pregnant, so talking about death isn’t going to kill you either.

My main point is this: Having an up-to-date will is the bare minimum. The people who are going to have to deal with your assets, and who are going to have to deal with each other, would benefit enormously from understanding not only WHAT you have written in your will, but also WHY you have made the choices that you did.

And furthermore, if you can get them to also comprehend HOW you would like them to work with each other, they could all take advantage of your wisdom, even after you are gone.

The hardest part is getting the conversation started, but the sooner you do, the easier it gets.

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