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I believe that just about every family business founder wants the same thing. In the short term, there are many ways to achieve it, but in the long run, due to human nature, not only business people, but all people, want to be remembered fondly and to have their efforts appreciated.

No, I do not have any statistical evidence, and I have not done any surveys, but if we just take a quick look at the opposite situation, how many people do you know who want to be remembered as a scoundrel and being despised? Yes, there are some, but thankfully they are in the minority.

What this blog is about in general is family business, and today’s topic is legacy. I truly believe that every family business founder wants to create a lasting positive legacy. Of course one of the traits that many of these people also have is that they believe that they are going to live forever.

Getting these people to actually commit to doing some serious succession planning, or as it is now more commonly referred to, continuity planning, is a huge problem, but we will get to that again in a future post. Today I want to talk about a pre-requisite that I believe must be present, but which is not spoken about enough.

So what is this mystery element that “must” be present? I like to call it Family Harmony. Despite their best attempts to avoid it, every single one of us will die some day, and there will be others that we will leave behind. It is up to those people we leave behind to ensure the positive legacy of the family business, and/or the business family.

This example has been used in this space before, but it was in one of my occasional French blog posts, and since I get more English readers, it is time to translate it.

Even those of us who have never been camping will surely have driven by a campsite or seen a tent structure before. In my analogy, your legacy is the tent. We can see the tent, how big it is, its shape, its colour.

The tent also provides lots of utility, in economics parlance. Shelter from the elements, safety, a place to gather and be together, often as a family.

Imagine for a moment that you only packed the shell of the tent, and you forgot the structural elements at home in the garage. Without any support to hold the tent up, without any pegs to hold it down in place, I think that this camping trip will likely be called off, or else be deemed sub-optimal. “Did we pass any motels lately?”

In my analogy, the pegs that hold the tent in place, and the support pieces that hold the structure up in a useful form, are the family harmony that you need to support the legacy that you want.

I realize that in this blog I have not proven this to be true, and those who do not want to believe it can do so if they choose. But please think about this, and share this example with others if you are a believer.

Too many business founders spend so much time making the proverbial pie bigger and bigger, without spending enough time thinking about how the pie will survive, how it will be grown or preserved after they are gone, and how those left behind can benefit from the pie for generations to come.

It does not happen by itself, and the harmony in the family is one of the biggest determinators of how well their legacy will survive.

Yes, it means that you need to discuss the fact that you will die one day. Get over it. Your legacy depends on it.

 

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.

I came across a crazy news story last week, and since it is tangentially related to matters that I like to blog about, I thought it would be worth tackling. Here are both the headline and the subhead that made me click the link.

3 accused in desecration of Colebrook grave
Grave desecration related to inheritance, police say
In case you are interested in the whole backstory, here is a link:
http://tinyurl.com/RealWill
Here is my “Reader’s Digest” version of what happened. Local businessman dies. Ten years later (yes, 10 years) one of his daughters engages the help of some friends to go and dig up his grave, convinced (somehow) that he was buried with the “Real Will”.

There are a few elements to this story that I found surprising, the first of which is the location, in New Hampshire. For whatever reason I had figured that it would more likely have taken place in any number of other US states, none of which I will name here, I will let you use your imagination and choose your “favourite” state.

Another surpise was the time that elapsed between the burial and the desecration. We can assume that the daughter was not happy with the way the estate was settled, but why did she decide to wait ten years to act on it?

We will get away from this specific story and move on to more general comments in a moment but not before asking the obvious question: “Who the heck would bury someone with the “real will”, or any will, for that matter?”

Okay, end of rant. So what really went on here, and how could all this have been avoided?

Well for one thing, if the businessman had taken the time to inform his family members of the contents of his will, while he was still alive, I think it is pretty safe to assume this scene would have been avoided.

Maybe some people reading this think I am crazy for thinking that sharing the contents of your will with others is a good idea, and that would not surprise me.

A few weeks ago I was in Vancouver for the CAFÉ (Cdn Assoc. of Family Entrprises) Symposium. Tom Deans, author of the book “Willing Wisdom”, was one of the keynote speakers.

Deans talked about getting family members involved and writing a”collaborative will”. He admits that sometimes his message is not well received, and many people look at his proposition with great scepticism.

I am not one of those people, and I believe that he and I are singing from the same page. In my soon-to-be-released book, SHIFT your Family Business, you will be able to read my take on the subject of working together with your family on important issues like your legacy.

Collaboration and communication are two important aspects of business families that often do not get the recognition that they should.

The more people work together on something, and have a hand in how it is put together, the more likely they are to support it in the future. Whether it is a family business, other family assets or wealth, or simply a will that lays out someone’s wishes, it doesn’t much matter.

Get your loved ones involved, or at the very least let them know what is in your will, so that they won’t be surprised and disappointed later. If that means disappointing them now, and you want to avoid that, well then you have some things to work on, don’t you?

And for God sakes make sure that they don’t bury you with the “Real Will”.

But your kids are smarter than that, right?

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.

Depuis que mon père est décedé en 2008, chaque fête des pères soulève une variété d’émotions pour moi.

D’une part, je suis très reconnaissant des sacrifices que mon père avait fait, et ce, presque tout au long de sa vie, pour sa famille. D’une autre part, ma réflection devient difficile, puisque je suis tenté de me comparer à lui.

Et de là, le titre que j’ai donné à ce blogue, un jeu de mots, sur “père”, versus “paire”.

Ceux qui ont des enfants sont presque tous d’accord que tout change le moment qu’on devient parent, il n’y a pas trop d’exceptions là-dessus.

Et parmi les hommes que je connais qui ont perdu leur père, une grande partie comprennent la pertinence de l’expression: “C’est quand ton père meurt que tu deviens vraiment un homme”.

La fête des pères, pour moi, en tant que parent, est quand même assez spéciale. Mes deux enfants sont forcés à admettre que je suis un papa plus ou moins “adéquat” pour eux. Lors de leur passage au primaire, ils revenaient de l’ecole avec des cartes et des cadeaux fabriqués à l’école avec amour.

J’adore leur conter des histoires des fêtes des pères de ma jeunesse, où mes soeurs et moi avions essayé de confondre notre père avec des cadeaux bizarres.

Mon père était un homme sérieux, et pendant qu’il était en affaires, cela lui servait bien. À sa retraite, il était devenu un peu plus facile à approcher, surtout avec l’arrivée de ses petits-enfants.

Mais revenons au jeu de mots, pères, et paires. Pour mon papa, il n’avait pas beaucoup de paires dans sa vie. C’était lui le “boss”, au bureau, et chez nous.

Éventuellement, en vieillissant, il avait accepté qu’il n’était plus celui qui devait, ni qui pouvait, controller toutes les aspects et décisions dans sa vie. Presque tout d’un coup, il avait abdiqué son rôle de patron, pour accepter les décisions de ses enfants. Malheureusement, il était déjà rentré à l’hôpital pour la dernière fois quand ça c’est passé.

Durant les années où nous travaillions ensemble dans notre “family office”, même vers la fin quand je prenais la plupart des décisions, souvent sans lui en parler d’avance, c’était toujours clair que c’était lui le père ET le boss, et que j’étais le fils, ET l’employé.

Je ne sais pas si c’est parce que nous vivons dans un ère plus moderne, ou si c’est simplement mon style d’être parent, mais je ne préconise pas cette façon de faire.

Pour ma part, j’ai hâte que mes enfants deviennent mes paires. Ils n’y sont pas rendus encore, et ils ont encore bien des choses à apprendre, et ceci de leurs deux parents, en plus de l’école.

Dans certains domaines, notamment tout ce qui entoure les ordinateurs et la technologie, ils ont déjà une longueur d’avance sur nous, sans surprise. Dans d’autres, ils nous approchent à grand pas.

Mais personnellement, je prend beaucoup de fiérté en leur faisant confiance pour toutes les questions qui concernent leurs décisions personnelles, en leurs offrant mes conseils, mais sans leur dire quoi faire.

Je n’ai aucune ambition de controller mes enfants, et je veux qu’ils deviennent mes paires assez rapidement.

J’aimerais co-exister avec eux dans une ambiance de collaboration et d’entre-aide, pendant encore des dizaines d’années.

Je crois que cette attitude pourrait également être bénéfique pour d’autres familles. Les familles où le père contrôle tout, jusqu’à sa mort, sont chose du passée, n’est-ce pas?

Je vous laisserai réfléchir là-dessus.

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.

In last week’s blog, I mentioned that I would soon be attending a workshop on “Dealing with difficult people. I spent some time on whether it is the people who are difficult, or just their situations, as well as the wisdom of trying to avoid difficulty indefinitely, in the hope that things would just improve on their own.

This week I was in Toronto for the workshop, and it provided me with a lot of great tools and ideas that I will surely put to good use. One of the memorable take-aways for me was something that was not only unexpected, but after I wrote it down, I could not even recall what caused the course leader to add it to the flipchart in the first place.

What I do remember is that while debriefing a roleplay we had just done, she wrote down the words “Courage & Dignity” in thick black marker. Something compelled me to write those words onto the page I had created in my binder for important ideas that I wanted to recall in the future.

We had been working on the idea that before entering into a discussion that would likely be difficult, it is usually a good idea to do some preparation. What is the goal, what emotions might be evoked, are their any identity issues that could come into play, those sorts of things.

My take was that while it was certainly a good idea to prepare, going in with a long list of ideas was not the best approach for me. To my way of thinking, summarizing the preparation in a few words was a better way to guide my approach.

The one word that grabbed me was “courage”. How many times have you been in a situation where your brain knew that there was something important that needed to be addressed, but you could not bring yourself to say the words required to bring the issue to light?

So my first take-away was to remind myself to summon the courage required to actually get the tough issues on the table.

And what about the dignity?

When we bring forth difficult topics, often someone will be put on the defensive. We probably want to avoid this, which is likely why the subject has been left unaddressed for so long.

But just as it is possible to disagree without being disagreeable, it is possible to have a mature discussion, about just about any topic, where you make sure that everyone leaves with their dignity intact.

What do I mean by having your dignity intact? People do not usually like to feel like they have been attacked, and they rarely feel good when they feel like they have lost something.

Personal attacks should be avoided at all costs, and so should win-lose situations. It takes some emotional maturity to do things in a way that everyone can leave a difficult discussion with their head held high, but it can be done.

In a business family, the people who need to discuss sensitive issues are often relatives, and they are sometimes from different generations. This combination of familiarity and built-in hierarchy can make these discussions very tricky.

Believe me when I say that I fully understand why it is difficult for Junior to tell Dad that there need to be some changes. Been there, done that.

But if Junior can summon the courage, and be mindful of Dad’s dignity, he is much more likely to be successful.

And if he can’t do it alone, he should enlist the help of others, either from within the family, or from the outside.

Enter with courage, and make sure everyone leaves with their dignity. Good luck.

 

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.

Over breakfast with a coaching colleague recently, I informed her that I was enrolled in an upcoming workshop on “Dealing with Difficult People”.

She was almost aghast that in this day and age, an organisation would use the term “Difficult People” in the name of a course that they offer. “Hmmm”, I thought, maybe she has a point. Once a person is labelled “Difficult”, often many of their issues become even harder to overcome because of the term.

Maybe the name of the course has failed to evolve with time, or maybe a more politically correct term would not attract as many participants, but the subject of difficult people, difficult situations, and difficult conversations has been top of mind for me lately.

Sometimes we spend a lot of energy doing everything we possibly can to avoid dealing with topics that make us uncomfortable. Other times, we are comfortable with an issue, but we fear that the person to whom we want to deliver a message will not take it well, and it is therefore easier to avoid it.

If someone really needs to understand something important, but nobody is willing to help them see the light, or to help them see themselves as others do, is it really better to just go on and not try to help them, just because it might be difficult?

When communicating with others on sensitive subjects, most of us have heard the term “you can disagree without being disagreeable”. I am talking about much the same thing here.

I often tell my kids that what you say is important, but HOW you say it is even more important.

Broaching difficult subjects requires tact, emotional maturity, empathy, and the ability to listen to people without judging them.

In a family business situation, these sorts of scenarios play themselves out over and over. And because family members have so much history together, a lot of things get carried around like excess baggage, for far too long.

Sometimes situations fester and eventually a difficult conversation can no longer be avoided. It is usually only after this discussion has taken place that any real progress can actually happen. Family members will sometimes look back and recall that the difficult confrontation that they were trying to avoid was actually the key to moving forward.

So not only is avoiding difficulty not always easy, it is not always recommended. It sometimes takes courage to begin discussions that must be had, but that courage is often rewarded.

A fresh perspective from an objective set of eyes can be so helpful for the person who needs to make some changes but who has not seen the urgency to act.

Nobody is “difficult” per se. Everyone deserves a chance to be the best they can be, especially in a family business.

One of the biggest obstacles to happiness in business families is poor communication, which leads to confusion over roles, ambiguity about future goals, and assumptions that each person makes about where they fit, now and in the future.

Clarifying these things involves communication, and much of that communication includes conversations, and they are often difficult conversations.

But the longer those difficult conversations are put off, the more confusion, ambiguity, and wrong assumptions take root, and then you risk the possibility of some members of the family becoming “Difficult people”.

People are not difficult. Situations can be difficult. Change the labels, look at things realistically, start the conversations gently, listen to others, without judgment, and move forward.

Nobody ever said it was going to be easy.

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.